Merry Christmas
So how seasonal? It doesn’t feel like xmas at all. I mean apart from the fact that I get to listen to xmas music in ever shop i go to and even at work, where they have erected a giant 6ft christmas stereo pumping out the same 7 songs on repeat. I’ve never been a violent person particularly but i now have a hit list of seven people who need a special “visit”.
So what does christmas mean anyway? We nailed this guy to a cross 2000 or so years ago (well, i guess about 992 years give or take, but lets not be morbid) and now we realised that may have been a bit hasty. So to celbrate his birth in gratuitous over the top “sorry we’re wrong we didn’t mean it, it was all the jews fault” fashion we smugly eat as much as we possibly can and squabble over who got the shittest socks.
Its like easter, when we eat chocolate eggs to symbolise Jesus being reborn out of a giant chickens rectum covered in cocoa powder. No wait, thats not right is it?
Above all its tradition. Built on more tradition. It used to be really expensive to buy a turkey so everyone did, to ease the collective guilt of nailing our one possible hope to a cross. Maybe he was a kook, strung out on whatever class A’s they had at the time, but maybe, just maybe, he was telling the truth, so lets spend lots of money and book a ticket to heaven.
Funnily enough, the only time of year that turkey is still expensive is december. You’d be amazed who cheap a 20lb oven busting clipped wing bird is in January.
Xmas is also the time of year that Simon Cowell pats himself on the back and gets a new set of teeth for the year ahead. I’m not joking, he flashes that shit eating grin so much he must need a new set of teeth every 12 months. Mind you, if he can make a global star out of Beavis I guess he’s paid his dues.
So anyway, I’m sitting at work and I’m listening to christmas songs, and its like Dante’s Inferno (literally the air conditioning is wacked up to 400 degrees because “its winter”). I’m trying to concentrate, which funnily enough I’m paid to do, and its literally impossible when some squeeky cock is shrieking “don’t let the bells end” on your ear. What does that even mean???
I can’t wait til its all over tbh, and i can get myself some High Def 50″ Plasma Bargain. Thats what christmas is all about, the relentless grinding of the corporate machine squeezing pennies out of you because its traditional and a religion which no one follows anymore feels a bit guilty about something which may or may not have happened.
Pssh. On a side note our christmas tree is the tits.
Filed by Kieran at December 24th, 2007 under Blog, Complaint!