HSBC - The Worlds Personal Fibbers
Imagine the scene, HSBC boardroom, plenty of swelling red faced execs:
“Right… we need to cash in every new craze/fad/public panic point we can. We need to advertise off the back of anything hysterically embedded in the public pysche…. Northern Rock? Its a bit too close to home. Although the tagline ‘we won’t shit up your money’ could get a few more mortgage drinkers through the doors….Climate? BRILLIANT! Even Gordon ‘1st Class’ Brown raves on about climate change! This is literally an advertising wet dream, we’ll say we’re the only bank in the world that gives a shit about trees!. They’ll flock through the doors! Genius. OMG WAIT! WE CAN EVEN MAKE MONEY! Thats right, we’ll stop sending them statements. Thats 12 envelopes, 12 sheets of paper and 12 stamps we’ll save for every customer. Amazing, erode one more banking tradition, whilst simultanously jumping on the climate shit tip bandwagon - we’ll be banking heroes. Multinational conglomerate which funds middle eastern terrorism?! Not us, we love trees! And so do you. In fact, it gets better, we’ll levy an unrealistic charge on those who actually want a statement. £5? Nope. £12. Nope - do we look like royal mail? £20. Thats it £20. I mean, so what if they want to apply for a new bank account elsewhere, we should make that as difficult and expensive as possible. Need proof of address to buy a new car on credit, if you can afford a car, you can afford £20.
And besides, you wouldn’t want the trees to die. And think of all those people we flog to death in the third world for our starbucks lattes and hand stitched nike trainers. We wouldn’t want them getting hot as well would we?”
You couldn’t make it up 
Filed by Kieran at November 21st, 2007 under Complaint!, Topical?