kierandelaney.net

SimpleLife 0.9

Posted by Kieran - 30/11/07 at 10:11:56 pm

So I finally got my act together and finished packaging up my own lifestream plugin for wordpress. Ok, so its not a plugin in the sense you need to enable it, but it is as simple as possible - three files including the required RSS parser library SimplePie.

The project page, which inludes download, installation and styling instructions is: Here

Let me know if you decide to use it and I will link to your site, and feel free to suggest improvements etc.

Whats On The Menu Today?

Posted by Kieran - 23/11/07 at 08:11:27 pm

Nope, I’m not talking food, I’m talking image based frontend website menus. See, most people don’t need to read this stuff in the blog. Some people don’t want to see photos. Google my name and you might be looking for some kind of interaction that say, only facebook could provide. Well, i finally had the time to sit down and develop my idea of an attractive menu for the front end. I know that splash screens are frowned upon, but to me this is like a five junction roundabout (6 if you include the turning you arrive on) with each turn off scrawled with my graffiti.

See, hover over the options and they expand to fill more of the fixed width menu. If you move the mouse quickly enough, they slide in and out all quickly like. Its like a pointless visit to the pointless eye candy factory. But its sooo sweet.

Anyway, made with the always excellent moo.fx this has a few coding examples borrowed and cobbled together from their forums, and it only took me like two lots of 60 minutes. Have a play!

HSBC - The Worlds Personal Fibbers

Posted by Kieran - 21/11/07 at 03:11:52 pm

Imagine the scene, HSBC boardroom, plenty of swelling red faced execs:

“Right… we need to cash in every new craze/fad/public panic point we can. We need to advertise off the back of anything hysterically embedded in the public pysche…. Northern Rock? Its a bit too close to home. Although the tagline ‘we won’t shit up your money’ could get a few more mortgage drinkers through the doors….Climate? BRILLIANT! Even Gordon ‘1st Class’ Brown raves on about climate change! This is literally an advertising wet dream, we’ll say we’re the only bank in the world that gives a shit about trees!. They’ll flock through the doors! Genius. OMG WAIT! WE CAN EVEN MAKE MONEY! Thats right, we’ll stop sending them statements. Thats 12 envelopes, 12 sheets of paper and 12 stamps we’ll save for every customer. Amazing, erode one more banking tradition, whilst simultanously jumping on the climate shit tip bandwagon - we’ll be banking heroes. Multinational conglomerate which funds middle eastern terrorism?! Not us, we love trees! And so do you. In fact, it gets better, we’ll levy an unrealistic charge on those who actually want a statement. £5? Nope. £12. Nope - do we look like royal mail? £20. Thats it £20. I mean, so what if they want to apply for a new bank account elsewhere, we should make that as difficult and expensive as possible. Need proof of address to buy a new car on credit, if you can afford a car, you can afford £20.

And besides, you wouldn’t want the trees to die. And think of all those people we flog to death in the third world for our starbucks lattes and hand stitched nike trainers. We wouldn’t want them getting hot as well would we?”

HSBC Cheap Cash-In Forest

You couldn’t make it up

Alexisonfire/Saosin @ Leeds Met

Posted by Kieran - 20/11/07 at 01:11:28 pm

It never fails to amaze me how hype and acclaim can break a band into the big time - largely its down to luck. Take Four Year Strong, whose release this year easily matched the debut long player from Set Your Goals….. one bands toured Europe twice and hyped to high heaven everywhere, the other remains largely unknown except by those who know.

Take Ghost Of A Thousand - releasing arguably one of the top 3 albums of the year (especially given their ages), they take healthy doses of the Refused, and give it some serious welly. But where are they? Bottom of the heap, a long way behind Gallows, who despite “not giving a shit” suck the cock of everyone available, including the arse of music NME. Tonight, Ghost Of A Thousand cement for me their superiority over also rans Gallows. There isn’t any posturing. There isn’t any wild eyed bug faced “I’m angry me yeah! PUNX!” shit - there’s five lads who look ever so slightly uncomfortable in front of so many people and who shake the bloody walls with a groove laden hardcore. If there’s any justice, people in 10 years time will be referencing Ghost.. as one of the most influential punk bands of the decade. Its not all fan boy hysteria at this end though - the vocals come across as a little samey in places, and some more use of the vocalist singing voice would do good. Otherwise its Fuck Radio 1 Playlists - The Shape Of Punk To Come /10

Equally, Saosin begger belief for the exact opposite reasoning. I’ve managed to avoid their musically excited, vocally plain trudge for a while, so it i guess it was inevitable they were going to crop up at a show eventually. Don’t get me wrong, the guys got an amazing voice, and live he didn’t hit a note wrong, it was spot on perfect. And that’s really the point. These guys were machine polished. Great if you like stadium rock leanings in your (insert current scene tag here) but it all seemed so “safe”. Musically the band were pretty good, but the vocals were the same pitch and whine throughout and it … just….. didn’t….. go….. anywhere. And here’s the rub - how can a band that have evidently taken notes from the far superior Moneen have so many girls eating out of the palms of their hands, when Moneen played to a half empty Cockpit just a few months ago? Where’s the justice? U2 Sneaking In The Backdoor /10

Alexisonfire on the other hand are exactly where they should be. Days/Months/Years of relentless touring, consistently releasing increasingly great records - Alexisonfire are probably one of the in form bands about now. Playing a set heavy on material from Crisis they have the audience in the palm of their collective Canadian hand from the moment they start with a beefed up “You Burn First” to the moment they leave the stage. Dallas seemingly has a croaky voice and at points struggles with some of the singing, but such is the tightness of the band that not only does the second guitarist cover every note, even pot bellied mental case Petit sings his heart out - something I’ve not seen him do before. Theres group hugs a plenty and you know the band really are something special when a rabble rousing Drunks/Liars/Sinners/Saints puts shivers down the spine of even a hardened cynic like me - “This is from our hearts, Sincerity over simple chords”. On Form /10

OH MY GOD! SHUT UP ABOUT ALCOHOL TAXES!

Posted by Kieran - 14/11/07 at 02:11:27 pm

The thing is - I’m not a drunk. I’m not a drink driver. I’m not a rapist, racist, granny basher or hooligan. I don’t binge drink until i pick fights, I don’t assault people, and i don’t get pissed up to rob things. So why should i have to pay extra for a drink just because some young lout with slack parents can’t keep his willy in his pants or his fists by his side? Why should i pay through the nose, just because some morally devious reprobate thinks its cool to drive after 20 pints and plough into a brick wall whilst in charge of his pissed up death wagon?

Firstly, let me say, I completely agree that raising the price of alcohol would have a significant impact on consumption levels. If its too expensive, you can’t buy it.

From a goverment report:

There is a clear association between price, availability and consumption. But there is less sound evidence for the impact of introducing specific policies in a particular social and political context:

• our analysis showed that the drivers of consumption are much more complex than merely price and availability;
• evidence suggested that using price as a key lever risked major unintended side effects;
• the majority of those who drink do so sensibly the majority of the time.
• Policies need to be publicly acceptable if they are to succeed; and measures to control price and availability are already built into the system.

And that bit at the end is the kicker -“…measures to control price and availability are already built into the system.”

This news report takes the biscuit. It really does. Don’t you realise you nazis, that whilst raising the price of beer might stop young lads getting pissed up, it’ll probably drive them to sniffing glue. It also means i also have to pay extra and like i said - why should i pay for other peoples lack of self control.

Correct me if i am wrong, but its illegal for under 18’s to buy or consume alcohol. So, heres a great idea, which won’t affect my already overburdened pocket - ENFORCE THE LAW. Under 16’s drinking cider in the park? Getting lary? Where did they get the cider from? Somewhere there is a shopkeeper or a misguided adult who supplied them with the demon drink… tax their pockets instead. Its not like teenagers can walk into just any shop and buy a six pack. Its illegal. So whilst putting up taxes will stifle their demand, it also stifles mine. Better instead to apply an already existing law and snuff out their illicit supply no?

Oh no! That won’t stop 18/19 year olds binge drinking though will it? Oh wait - its also an offence under british law to serve alcohol to obviously intoxicated people. That man dribbling on your bar? Don’t serve him! Too many publicans serve more drinks to groups of drunken girls on a saturday night and then (boo hoo) complain to the local press because they start tearing each others hair out, because one group stole the second groups hen weekend idea of dressing like a slag. Football matches also serve as a hotbed of fury, mainly because greedy bastard shop owners and landlords just can’t help themselves but hand over more beer and spirits (think of the cash! these pissheads will buy anything!!) and then the same money grabbing bastards complain when a drunk pisses in the shop window. Think someone’s too drunk? Don’t serve them. The law is on your side! And better still, it means I WON’T HAVE TO PAY TWICE AS MUCH FOR A PINT.

Pour Habit - Suiticide

Posted by Kieran - 12/11/07 at 04:11:16 pm

The best way to descibe Pour Habit, is by explaining who you’d imagine to be in the band - the vocals are pure Offspring, imagine Dexter Holland at his early best, and musically there are shades of Smash… the rythm section though sounds like its been holed up listening to the entire back catalogue of Strung Out - melding poppy hardcore with punk can sound awful when its not done properly, but here it all fits just right - the emphasis is on the punk, but sometimes out comes some double kick and a bit of a breakdown to shake things up and the occasional squeely solo that just fits.

Pour Habit also have a sense of humour, which is apparent throughout the lyrics especially on You Suck - and its refreshing given the musical tone. There aren’t any bad songs here either - some aren’t as great as the rest, but every song is catchy - the opener Institution absolutely flies out of the traps and sums up the band in one track - showcasing everything to come in one 2 minute bite that leaves you gagging for more…. in fact i’ll bet that anybody who heads over to the myspace page and listens to Institution ends up listening to the entire album.

This is a great little album and well recommended - catchy, melodic (but never over poppy), fast and varied. Thank fuck for Pour Habit.

Neon Graveyard

Posted by Kieran - 12/11/07 at 02:11:07 pm

From carlcarls Neon Graveyard Flickr set:

There is an awesome museum in Vegas that collects all the old neon signs that have been decommissioned.

The are some amazing photographs on this site, and its somewhere I’d really like to go - in fact I really need to get out with the camera again.

Alex Fergusmoan

Posted by Kieran - 05/11/07 at 02:11:34 pm

Alex Ferguson is a shit. Its amazing after 20 years he has still retained the inspiring ability to be completely one sided, and as biased as a lopsided triangle.

Following the (probably fair) 2-2 draw between Arsenal and Manchester United, the demented scotsman couldn’t contain a barage of filth and stupidity. Just take this:

“On our bench, we were getting terrible abuse from people two or three feet away from us. There is a lack of security. It is absolutely disgraceful the abuse you and your staff take. All sorts of things are being shouted and screamed at you and there is an absolute danger here.”

Two things stand out - obviously the united fans who sit behind the dugouts at Old Trafford are carefully vetted to make sure none of them in the heat of a football match would dare shout anything other than sanitised words of encouragement. No wait - there have been more arrests at Old Trafford in the last 12 months than any other premiership ground - which club has a safety issue again?

Perhaps more importantly, Ferguson obviously forgot all about his berating of the fourth official - at one point he was 2mm away from the poor chaps ear, and from the images it certainly looked like he wasn’t being polite. Does the fourth official not deserve the safety and protection from yobbery that Fergusmoan clearly craves? The majority of the insults centered around Furguson being an loudmouthed lunatic anyway. Pretty sure no manager who sits down and only gets up to shout at his players gets more than the odd comment.

Lets not forget, Fergus has form as well - (taken from BBC Sport 2005)

Ferguson reacted angrily to Rennie’s decision not to punish Andy O’Brien for bringing down Ryan Giggs on the edge of the Newcastle area. The United manager kicked a ball away in disgust and remonstrated with fourth official Winter on the sidelines before being dismissed by Rennie. Winter was then subjected to a sustained four-letter tirade from the Scot.

Do to others as you would have done unto you.

New Page

Posted by Kieran - 02/11/07 at 02:11:24 pm

I’ve just added (well just finished) a new project page, Excel/VBA Macros And Code, to collect a few tips for VBA For Excel. Microsoft Excel is pretty much indispensible in my place of work, with about half of all operations being carried out on spreadsheets etc. Just recently I got tired of repeating the same steps each day and decided to automate them using Macros. Its not quite as easy as it sounds though, because a lot of the equivilant VBA commands don’t work out quite the same as you’d expect.

Therefore I’ve collected everything I’ve picked up and learnt into one page - no doubt I’ll keep adding to it as and when i learn new stuff.